"How to be cool.
By: Tre Cool
Trying to be cool is not that cool.
Everyone should have their own style. Yesterday we were on a plan from Berlin and there were 25 hair models all coming back from some hair convention. They were trying to out-cool each other so much. They were wearing weird clothes, it looked like every single thing they were wearing was thrift store items. It was like everything had a story. That was pretty cool, but trying to out-cool people is not cool. You've got to just let it course through your veins.
Hair made the man/woman.
Cutting your own hair is really cool. I've had disasters, but it's always grown back. The extra inch is cool. You know, when you cut the hair at the top of your dick really short, so when you're standing naked you dick looks longer? That's a top tip for the gents.
Respect the cock!
Condoms are very cool, because they allow you to have sex without getting diseases. And children, which is kind of like a disease because it makes you throw up in the morning and then it turns you into a parent. Sex toys are cool, too. Dildos and whatnot. Wow, Tre's guide to cool is getting good.
Don't wear sunglasses indoors without a very good excuse.
I think it's a little weird unless you're just been in a 12-round boxing match. And even then, met me check out the shiner, dude.
Only get into fights you can win.
It's best to either just walk away or make sure you can win it. It depends on how important it is. If it doesn't really matter fuck all at the end of it forget it, but if it has something to do with my band or my family then it's cool as long as I make sure I win. I almost got my ass kicked the other day. I know it's a little homoerotic, but I've been wrestling people bigger than me on the tour, and once they start kicking my ass I start cheating. Cheating's not cool. Wresting's not cool either. It hurts.
Build up your alcohol tolerance.
Being able to drink more than your friends and being the last one standing is cool. But don't drink and dial. It's better to text when you're wasted. Texting is cool.
If you're not blessed with natural cool, work with what you've got.
Embrace your geekiness - own it, make it yours."
I hope you kids were taking notes!!
PUTIN GIVING A RASPBERRY ON THE BELLY OF A CHILD, NORMAL:
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