Starting this back up again. There are so many thing to do, with so little time. There needs to be time for reflection. The angle, the goal for this remains a mystery. I feel like this venture will help continue a persuit of...the unknown. I really don't know what I am striving for at this moment, but I am positive I will find the answers soon. I am about a month before limbo starts. The alternate reality that it is no longer socially acceptable to drink excessive amounts of booze to forget the rest of the world. Tragic, I know, but not the end of the world. There are different things to focus on. Like, what kind of job to I want? Where do I want to work? Is this the right path for me? Should I go to grad school? Do I want to make my parents happy? or just me?
My own self identity is slipping. Last night, I finished reading "Mother Night" by Kurt Vonnegut and related the entire time to the protagonist, Howard W. Campbell. Not in the whole being an American spy aspect, but all of a sudden finding oneself is a perpetual state of nothingness, purgatory.
I don't know what I want or where to go to even find where my Starting in May, my own purgatory will be the glorious Akron, Ohio. (Uh, Akron just got a shout out on the Sonic commercial in between segments of the Kardashian sister whinning, which is ironic because we don't have Sonics there...SWENSON'S!) Anyway, I don't know what will happen after those first three months, but I have a suspicion that the answers will find me, hopefully soon.
I secretly wish I was still 18, wide eyed and innocent. Not know what I want, but still having the answers within the walls of this institution. UD is letting me go, but it will forever be mine.
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